Be Kinder to yourself (the empathy, not the chocolate egg)



Although I suppose there is a benefit to unwrapping your outer foil and exposing the fun time childhood wonder within. Wow dude, that was deep.

What I’m actually saying is it’s time to focus on the things that you can do rather than the things that you can’t.
I’m never going to be in a position to do EVERYTHING that I want to do in a week. My health will not have it and if I do that then I will achieve nothing in the next week because I will be collapsed halfway down the stairs watching the iPad because I can’t make it to the television. #first world problems.

But do you know what? The things I CAN do, they are some real achievements.
Sometimes I’m going to have days that largely involve DRC’s dressing gown, Star Trek TNG and crochet.  During that day I may send one email to a potential client or cut up a couple of flyers that I’m going to send out. On those days, I achieve more than I could ever do on the days when I feel fit and healthy. Why? Because I haven’t given up. I have said “Yep, this is a day that I need to look after my health and I am not giving up. If I can do just one thing to move myself forward then I’m doing awesome”. Yes I’m aware of the grammatical issue there, shut up, I’m a cripple.

And I am indeed, awesome.  No power in the ‘verse can stop me.
I’m learning that pain shouldn’t be in your brain.

Yes, I know that rhymes, I’m frakking poet. The rhyming kind.
Today is a good example (not of rhyming). Today I am in pain, rather a lot of pain and I’m finding movement kind of hard. But if you accept that this is the situation today, you can still have a pretty nice time. Just because your body is screaming, doesn’t mean you have to focus your thoughts on bad things that make you unhappy. Yes, I know that is very hard to put in to practice and sometimes I can turn in to an unholy Kaiju megabitch because of pain, but practice makes perfect. So I choose happy. I choose to look at the things that make me smile and to tell myself (yep, out loud) “Well done kid, you nailed that” (yes my inner pep talked is voiced by a 1980’s movie basketball coach).

Next week I know is going to be tough on my health. As well as teaching a couple of classes, I’m covering for DRC’s folks while they are away, I have a session with a private student, rehearsals and performance for Knowing Smirk, a rehearsal and performing with Hard Stairs (great band, check them out) and then it’s my birthday.  It will be a good test of how I deal with relaxing between things. Something tells me there will be the smell of incense and the sound of plinky plonky music coming from my room a hell of a lot!


I am extraordinarily lucky to have someone like DRC sharing my house and my life, he gets that when I get tetchy because of pain, it’s not him I’m angry at. He is patient with the fact that I am trying to run my own business but some days I am not as able to work as others. He is supportive of anything I try to do to make me happy or improve my health. That boy is dynamite (tee-hee).

Anyhoo, it’s probably time to get in the bath and do some scrubbing.

Warm and Fluffy Feelings (or in the current heat, maybe cooling and ice-lollied feelings)




The living dead blog and medieval battles

image Rumours of this blog’s death have been greatly exaggerated.

So I have decided to resurrect this lovely blog. Not that I intended it to die in the first place, time just….. Got away from me.

So at the moment you can find me trying to work for myself. Yep, freelance drama tutor, team building and Ann Summers party planner. Recent experience has taught me that Fibromyzombies is not compatible with a standard job with standard hours and standard folk who just don’t get the “yes, I know I don’t look ill but trust me, I am.”

It’s a bit of a struggle at the moment, getting a business up together from scratch is a lot of work and I’m probably working harder now that I’m self employed and earning nothing than I did in an office. But I’m looking after myself properly, I’m doing my relaxation techniques (everyone cross your legs and go Ommm) and my yoga (downward facing Yorkshire terrier). I’ve even started doing the juicing thing….don’t run away from me! It’s really good for my IBS and I really do think it’s having a positive effect on my energy levels.

I’ve just been on a five week course on Living with Fibromyalgia and CFS run by fisher price…..I mean the NHS Let’s Talk program. If you get a chance to do it pickle, go for it. Honestly, this stuff is so helpful and I feel like top of the class because I did the pilot phone scheme. They took my moaning about the fisher price guide not being appropriate and turned it in to something that can actually help folks like little old me.

I am a bit zombied up at the moment but I’m trying not to let it get me down. Had an awesome time walking round the Tewksbury Medieval Festival, although the leggys were rather complainy, I just told them to be happy they weren’t having to walk around in full armour in the scorching heat.
There was a reenactor who was obviously suffering from heat exhaustion and the paramedics were trying to sort him out when one of them declared “Ahh! I don’t know how to take off armour!” At which point a peasant handed his dog to the person next to him and got stuck in. I’m not being insulting by the way, he was actually dressed as a medieval peasant.
I hope that paramedic now knows the appropriate way to dis-amour a medieval knight, just in case he finds himself in some sexy games of thrones type situation.

I could have spent sooooooo much money if I’d had any.
I also kept bumping in to lovely people that I know, and even a couple of people who seemed to know who I was but I hadn’t the foggiest who they were. They were very nice though. I was going to blame my lack of knowledge on fibro fog but the fact that I still haven’t worked it out probably means that I am just a bit rubbish at recognising people when they aren’t wearing the clothes they normally wear.
Did you know that Brad Pitt is face blind? I shit ye not, go forth and google.

Quivers and bracers